Are You Kidding Me? I Don't Understand?

It’s often said our kid’s brains are like sponges and are most impressionable for learning and language in the toddler to early elementary years.  This makes a lot of sense, since this is probably when a person learns the most about being alive and how to function as a human as they will at any other point in life.  What this also means, is that our kids are major copycats.  It’s true; much of the behavior your child engages in was learned behavior through observation.  So, if your child is engaging in some behavior you don’t love, the first place to look is, you guessed it, yourself!  

The moments I’m reminded of this most are when my kids say or exclaim something with some enthusiasm.  They say it, and I’m like “where did that come from?” And before I can even finish the question, my mind knows… THAT’S ME!!  Currently my son, 5 ½, is walking around reacting to numerous things every day with the question “Are you kidding me?” in a very expressive fashion.  And guess what I belt out when something puzzles me?  That very same thing!  I’ve noticed also, on occasion, when something isn’t working out just how it’s planned my son will exclaim “I don’t under-STAND!”   Again, right out of old pop’s playbook.  So that’s fun, isn’t it? 

The funny thing is he almost goes out of his way to come up with situations like this.  It happens in his play, not just as unconscious reactions to life scenarios.  So, my habits, whether bad or good, become a means of intentional copying, not just reaction.  So isn’t it daunting, humbling, and hopefully, motivating, that these little beings that look up to us so much and desire so deeply to copy us deserve a decent example and model to copycat? In large part, we’re modeling who they are becoming.  We’ll make mistakes, so there will be plenty of opportunity to teach about that too, but let’s make sure we give some intentional effort to just not be blatantly rude, crude and socially unacceptable.  This good practice in general, sure, but more importantly, while our kids are watching.  And believe me; they’re watching more than we’ll ever know! 

Christmas Past, Christmas Present...

I've always loved Christmas.  As much as other people try to underwhelm it's affect or argue for other holiday's being better, there is really no holiday, in my mind, that presents the overall "feel," and atmosphere that Christmas does over the course of the extended Advent and Christmas seasons.  People that don't like the season, I understand, have usually had some unfortunate experiences that take away its joy such as the loss of a loved one, strained family relationships or perhaps just a bad family situation growing up which didn't provide the "magic," the Christmas season brings.  I also feel that understanding and celebrating the original meanings behind Christmas (including the Advent season leading up to it), which our family does, can enhance the joy and experience, but I'll leave that to each family to determine. 

But what made this year special was not my own enthusiasm for the holiday, but my children's.  My son is five and my daughter almost four and while last year they began to grasp the idea of the season, they weren't nearly as understanding and expressive of it as they became this year.  My son, in particular, just really grasped on to it this year, stating repeatedly how exciting and wonderful everything was.  Even my daughter, came into our room the morning before, exclaiming "Merry Christmas!" as she'd seen a majority of the presents appear under the tree.  She was exciting, but also a little confused as to why it wasn't Christmas yet, even though the presents were there. 

This really brought a new element to Christmas as the growing enthusiasm of my children's joy enhanced my own and my wife's.  I said to my parents on the phone on Christmas Day how neat it was to begen to see the joy and excitement in your kids at this time of year, and they shared in my sentiment of how special that was for them with me "back then," and now again with their grandkids. 

So, Merry Christmas, and my the childlike joy and exhuberence the season brings always exist within you!! 

"Wow, they are getting old!"

I've said this.  My dad has said this, both when I was younger, and again recently.  It's something all parents say and it's inevitable.  Our kids are growing at an alarming pace, and there is nothing we can do to stop it.  That can be overwhelming to think about sometimes.  But that shouldn't stop us from doing everything we can to help it.  And there is plenty we can do to help it.  There  are teachable moments everyday; about how to treat others, how to act in public, what to avoid, how things work, why things happen and so much more.  Don't think everything that happens in the "day-to-day," is beyond their young minds.  If they are seeing it, they probably want to know about it or have questions about it.  Obviously use judgement as to how much or what is appropriate, but don't just pass everything off as inexplicable to a young child.  Find a way to explain it to them so they can understand.  It's a good mind exercise for us, too, to explain something in a more simple way.  Your kids should be used to you talking to them about stuff so it's no always about discipline, or "no," or being after them to do stuff around the house.  My son has asked me some of the most amazing questions and even given some awesome perspective on things when I've made an extra effort to tell him about or point out things from our day. 

If we live life along side of our kids (but still always be parents and parental and all of that when it's necessary) and not just "above them," all the time, it benefits us both and it helps this alarming rate of growth produce more capable, well rounded children.  Rapid growth works best when well guided, not left to happen on it's own.  It all comes back to being there for them.  I think it's tempting to sit back and say "Well, they have their moms now, and pre-schools and nurseries and whatever, I'll be more involved when they can throw, or do sports or just interact with me more."  But the impressions of a father on young children should never be overlooked.  It sets the stage and foundation for your involvement, their comfort level of you and your effectiveness for the ups and downs ahead.  Remember, you're growing (as to avoid the term "aging") at just as nearly an alarming pace as they are, and this is time neither of you will get back.     

Back On Line...

So moving is time consuming, then, huh?  WOW!  And there still is that little newborn, and now my class has started for this semester.  But, no worry, we push through.  Over the course of the move and the first few months of a new life in our midst, in addition to things I experience and learn through my job, I've had several thoughts about fatherhood that I'll highlight here and speak more about in coming posts. 

The first, and perhaps most important, is that children long for our attention and time.  While these are two seperate things and can be different from one another, they are also very closely related.  Either involves the other to truly matter.  I think the trap I fall into most is thinking I'm giving my kids time when I might not give them my full attention, when the truth is, I could give my kids a few moments of undivided attention and have it be much more valuable to them than a greter amount of time.  The trick is how to maximize both, because there will be times when kids need just a few minutes of our attention to feel loved and appreciated and then it is our duty as fathers to block out significant amounts of time to spend with our kids, and not forget to keep our attention as much as possible during that time.  Children are typically much more well adjusted in life and better behaved when they are receiving good amounts of both time and attention from both mom and dad! 

The other thing I'm often struck by is the significance of the bond between father and son.  Few things in life effect a man's emotions, regardless of background or history, more than the thoughts of the bond or lack of bond with his father.  It's amazing to me how readily a man can break down, particularly when facing the reality of the missing or troubled bond with is father.  In my mind, this only goes to prove further the signifigance of that bond and maybe how often overlooked it is in society. 

So, there you go.  Food for thought and a preview of topics to come, in addition, of course, to baby stuff, moving stuff and general father/child activities and discussion!  Spread the word, join the conversation!  Talk to you soon.

Inactivity due to Activity...

Moving... please standby.  (Oh, and now there's a hurricane coming!!??)  Promise to be back soon. 

The Activities List

Ahhhh, it's been over a week.  I definitely didn't mean to let it go more than a week.  Sorry!  But, here's a quick post to start what will be one of our "features."  This can be a place where dad's share ideas and get ideas for many things, but more specifically, for various activities to engage in that create quality time with your children.  Whether it's short and silly, or longer, more involved and significant projects.  We start with short and silly.

Summer Shadow Time.  Ok, so "summer" is only there because that's what time of year it is, but this is a fun activity to do any time of year to get through some slow nights.  It's pretty simply, shadow puppets and figures on a wall with a flashlight.  However, if you can find a wall that doesn't have a lot of stuff along it and set up a flashlight on the floor that can shine up at it, it can almost create a stage where you and the kids can create life size (and bigger) shadows.  My 5 and 3 year old LOVE this, get so silly and burn tons of energy in a relatively short period of time.  When they stand in front of that light and see their giant sized heads, limbs and bums on the wall, it's quite a riot for them.  They can create shadows as big as the room, which is great for them.  If daddy slips in a hand or foot from behind the light, it can create a giant hand grabbing their shadow, or a huge foot coming down from the ceiling and "squashing the bugs," as we pretended last time.  So, hope you try it sometime.  Simple, free and funny!  

The first few weeks wont be like the rest...

(written 7/21 at 1:12am)Everything that first week is so new, so different.  Its exciting and draining but the excitement gets you through the draining part.  Not only is the baby new to you but the world is new to the baby so it changes from week to week too.  What i remember about our others is how routined and patterned everything seemed.  With our son, there was a feeding every night around 4:00, wich kind of ended up becoming my shift once we mixed in the bottle feeding.  Even now we remember it as "the four-oclock-feeding," it became so regular.  And our daughter, fortunately, started sleeping through the night (a six-ish hour period from about midnight on) by about the end of two months, which was also a pleasant "regular" experience for us.  What i didnt remember is how little pattern there is the first few weeks.  The environment is such an adjustment to the baby that he will change constantly each week that goes on; he can see a bit more clearly, is awake for longer stretches, increases in alertness, can pick out different and new sounds.  And what that amounts too is inconsistancy.  Last night he pretty much didnt sleep for any long stretch and my wife, consequently, got about an hour-and-a-half of total sleep.  Tonight, he was down by midnight and still going strong an hour later (what am I doing up so late?!) something he really hasn't done much at all, yet.  Once that first week is behind you there can be some frustration and difficulty with the inconsistancy which the newborn's generable adorableness will bring you through.  And here's to hoping some of those patterns wont be far behind!