Back On Line...

So moving is time consuming, then, huh?  WOW!  And there still is that little newborn, and now my class has started for this semester.  But, no worry, we push through.  Over the course of the move and the first few months of a new life in our midst, in addition to things I experience and learn through my job, I've had several thoughts about fatherhood that I'll highlight here and speak more about in coming posts. 

The first, and perhaps most important, is that children long for our attention and time.  While these are two seperate things and can be different from one another, they are also very closely related.  Either involves the other to truly matter.  I think the trap I fall into most is thinking I'm giving my kids time when I might not give them my full attention, when the truth is, I could give my kids a few moments of undivided attention and have it be much more valuable to them than a greter amount of time.  The trick is how to maximize both, because there will be times when kids need just a few minutes of our attention to feel loved and appreciated and then it is our duty as fathers to block out significant amounts of time to spend with our kids, and not forget to keep our attention as much as possible during that time.  Children are typically much more well adjusted in life and better behaved when they are receiving good amounts of both time and attention from both mom and dad! 

The other thing I'm often struck by is the significance of the bond between father and son.  Few things in life effect a man's emotions, regardless of background or history, more than the thoughts of the bond or lack of bond with his father.  It's amazing to me how readily a man can break down, particularly when facing the reality of the missing or troubled bond with is father.  In my mind, this only goes to prove further the signifigance of that bond and maybe how often overlooked it is in society. 

So, there you go.  Food for thought and a preview of topics to come, in addition, of course, to baby stuff, moving stuff and general father/child activities and discussion!  Spread the word, join the conversation!  Talk to you soon.

The first few weeks wont be like the rest...

(written 7/21 at 1:12am)Everything that first week is so new, so different.  Its exciting and draining but the excitement gets you through the draining part.  Not only is the baby new to you but the world is new to the baby so it changes from week to week too.  What i remember about our others is how routined and patterned everything seemed.  With our son, there was a feeding every night around 4:00, wich kind of ended up becoming my shift once we mixed in the bottle feeding.  Even now we remember it as "the four-oclock-feeding," it became so regular.  And our daughter, fortunately, started sleeping through the night (a six-ish hour period from about midnight on) by about the end of two months, which was also a pleasant "regular" experience for us.  What i didnt remember is how little pattern there is the first few weeks.  The environment is such an adjustment to the baby that he will change constantly each week that goes on; he can see a bit more clearly, is awake for longer stretches, increases in alertness, can pick out different and new sounds.  And what that amounts too is inconsistancy.  Last night he pretty much didnt sleep for any long stretch and my wife, consequently, got about an hour-and-a-half of total sleep.  Tonight, he was down by midnight and still going strong an hour later (what am I doing up so late?!) something he really hasn't done much at all, yet.  Once that first week is behind you there can be some frustration and difficulty with the inconsistancy which the newborn's generable adorableness will bring you through.  And here's to hoping some of those patterns wont be far behind!

Mesmorizing

It’s neat watching the kids with the baby.  They were so excited.  Of course, all my daughter wants to do is play with him so it’s interesting explaining to her that it will be a while before the baby can play with her and our oldest.  Thinking back to our first child, this is a bit of a let down for fathers, sometimes, too.  We like response.  It’s why we’re drawn to the people we call friends, it’s why we like when people laugh at our attempts at humor.  I remember being excited to interact with the baby.  But when the baby arrives, it’s not able to really interact yet.  Many of the things we’ll do as fathers to a newborn to get a “response” out of, won’t draw a response at all.  More of just a blank stare.  However, this is equally amazing in it’s own way.   

This time around, as we sat with our newborn in the hospital for two days, I pretty much decided I could stare at a baby for hours and be mesmerized (oddly, I also feel this way about low flying commercial jets)!  And of course it is very attached to mommy and that can be hard for a dad to accept at first too, the attachment to mommy that doesn’t seem to be taking place for the father at first.  So realizing that this is natural and the way it’s supposed to be can be helpful to begin with.  The time for a baby’s response to its loving father’s silly faces and tickles is coming soon enough, and it’s amazing.  But don’t let the delay squelch the amazement of a newborn, it’s tininess, it’s meagerness, it’s reliance upon its mother, and you.  The amazement of how a newborn looks that is so much different than at any point in the human lifecycle.  I always kind of felt it was like a mix of old man and alien... in a cute way, of course!  So, as much as you get the chance just stare… for hours… because soon enough, you won’t be able to.

New Addition!

And now there are three… sad to say it's been almost a year since my last post (at least I didn't let it go a whole year), what better time to pick it back up than when going through “new father” all over again.  When you go through it again after it's been three years, you kind of take it for granted.  I feel like we weren't as in to the pregnancy this time or didn't pay as much attention for whatever reason; we've been through it before, other kids take up time, everything else going on in life, etc.  One thing that kept me into it more toward the end was how the kids acted toward it.  They were always asking about the baby, "what is the baby saying," they'd ask daily, or wanting to see mom's belly.  Toward the end I started taking notice more, how big my wife's belly got, watching it move.  It's still just an amazing and mesmerizing thing... there's a baby in there!  You can see it moving around.  I still wish we somehow got some video of a (tactfully covered up) moving belly to share with others and remember years down the road, as you never know if another pregnancy will come.  Either way, once the baby comes there is no loss of attention toward it.  So here we are, again. New life, new parents, an abruptly interrupted schedule and trying to remember how we did it all the first time, just with the two previous babies running all around the house!  

So as the posts start to come again, you'll get a lot of new dad stuff.  Invite someone you know who's going through or about to go through having a newborn to join the discussion for insight and to bring some input from their own experience.  As always, all you experienced dad's out there, feel free to reminisce and share your own tips.  I'll be needing them!