Are You Kidding Me? I Don't Understand?

It’s often said our kid’s brains are like sponges and are most impressionable for learning and language in the toddler to early elementary years.  This makes a lot of sense, since this is probably when a person learns the most about being alive and how to function as a human as they will at any other point in life.  What this also means, is that our kids are major copycats.  It’s true; much of the behavior your child engages in was learned behavior through observation.  So, if your child is engaging in some behavior you don’t love, the first place to look is, you guessed it, yourself!  

The moments I’m reminded of this most are when my kids say or exclaim something with some enthusiasm.  They say it, and I’m like “where did that come from?” And before I can even finish the question, my mind knows… THAT’S ME!!  Currently my son, 5 ½, is walking around reacting to numerous things every day with the question “Are you kidding me?” in a very expressive fashion.  And guess what I belt out when something puzzles me?  That very same thing!  I’ve noticed also, on occasion, when something isn’t working out just how it’s planned my son will exclaim “I don’t under-STAND!”   Again, right out of old pop’s playbook.  So that’s fun, isn’t it? 

The funny thing is he almost goes out of his way to come up with situations like this.  It happens in his play, not just as unconscious reactions to life scenarios.  So, my habits, whether bad or good, become a means of intentional copying, not just reaction.  So isn’t it daunting, humbling, and hopefully, motivating, that these little beings that look up to us so much and desire so deeply to copy us deserve a decent example and model to copycat? In large part, we’re modeling who they are becoming.  We’ll make mistakes, so there will be plenty of opportunity to teach about that too, but let’s make sure we give some intentional effort to just not be blatantly rude, crude and socially unacceptable.  This good practice in general, sure, but more importantly, while our kids are watching.  And believe me; they’re watching more than we’ll ever know! 

Respect Their Mothers

If I could tell fathers the best thing they can do for their children it wouldn't be about parenting.  It would be about their relationship with their children's mom.  Small children are followers and guess who they are following?  They model their lives and actions off of what they see us doing.  You might not think they notice how you respond, treat or act toward their mom but if you notice your children disrespecting their mother it might be because you are.

Do you show her signs of love and affection?  Do you support her?  Do you listen to what she says and not respond with an attitude or sharp reactions?  Do you take her seriously?  Do you support and encourage her? Do you do what she asks?  Does she have your respect?

The best model of how children should treat their mothers comes from their fathers.  I'd say my kids generally have a pretty positive example of this, but I can also honestly say I've failed at one point or another at all of the above questions.  We all will.  But we can think about these things consciously and strive to improve them all.  The simple fact is that if we want our kid's behavior and actions toward their mothers to be right, the first place we look is at our own behavior and actions toward her.