Are You Kidding Me? I Don't Understand?

It’s often said our kid’s brains are like sponges and are most impressionable for learning and language in the toddler to early elementary years.  This makes a lot of sense, since this is probably when a person learns the most about being alive and how to function as a human as they will at any other point in life.  What this also means, is that our kids are major copycats.  It’s true; much of the behavior your child engages in was learned behavior through observation.  So, if your child is engaging in some behavior you don’t love, the first place to look is, you guessed it, yourself!  

The moments I’m reminded of this most are when my kids say or exclaim something with some enthusiasm.  They say it, and I’m like “where did that come from?” And before I can even finish the question, my mind knows… THAT’S ME!!  Currently my son, 5 ½, is walking around reacting to numerous things every day with the question “Are you kidding me?” in a very expressive fashion.  And guess what I belt out when something puzzles me?  That very same thing!  I’ve noticed also, on occasion, when something isn’t working out just how it’s planned my son will exclaim “I don’t under-STAND!”   Again, right out of old pop’s playbook.  So that’s fun, isn’t it? 

The funny thing is he almost goes out of his way to come up with situations like this.  It happens in his play, not just as unconscious reactions to life scenarios.  So, my habits, whether bad or good, become a means of intentional copying, not just reaction.  So isn’t it daunting, humbling, and hopefully, motivating, that these little beings that look up to us so much and desire so deeply to copy us deserve a decent example and model to copycat? In large part, we’re modeling who they are becoming.  We’ll make mistakes, so there will be plenty of opportunity to teach about that too, but let’s make sure we give some intentional effort to just not be blatantly rude, crude and socially unacceptable.  This good practice in general, sure, but more importantly, while our kids are watching.  And believe me; they’re watching more than we’ll ever know! 

Back On Line...

So moving is time consuming, then, huh?  WOW!  And there still is that little newborn, and now my class has started for this semester.  But, no worry, we push through.  Over the course of the move and the first few months of a new life in our midst, in addition to things I experience and learn through my job, I've had several thoughts about fatherhood that I'll highlight here and speak more about in coming posts. 

The first, and perhaps most important, is that children long for our attention and time.  While these are two seperate things and can be different from one another, they are also very closely related.  Either involves the other to truly matter.  I think the trap I fall into most is thinking I'm giving my kids time when I might not give them my full attention, when the truth is, I could give my kids a few moments of undivided attention and have it be much more valuable to them than a greter amount of time.  The trick is how to maximize both, because there will be times when kids need just a few minutes of our attention to feel loved and appreciated and then it is our duty as fathers to block out significant amounts of time to spend with our kids, and not forget to keep our attention as much as possible during that time.  Children are typically much more well adjusted in life and better behaved when they are receiving good amounts of both time and attention from both mom and dad! 

The other thing I'm often struck by is the significance of the bond between father and son.  Few things in life effect a man's emotions, regardless of background or history, more than the thoughts of the bond or lack of bond with his father.  It's amazing to me how readily a man can break down, particularly when facing the reality of the missing or troubled bond with is father.  In my mind, this only goes to prove further the signifigance of that bond and maybe how often overlooked it is in society. 

So, there you go.  Food for thought and a preview of topics to come, in addition, of course, to baby stuff, moving stuff and general father/child activities and discussion!  Spread the word, join the conversation!  Talk to you soon.