Where's the Line?

So today, we're at this public play space at a local mall; some things to climb on, an open house-like structure in the middle with a tunnel and slide (for the kids, of course!) and a lot of children and energy, being it a Saturday.  There were 3 or 4 older boys (older meaning 4 or 5) who were running around chasing each other, seemingly uncontrollable with no adults visibly interacting with them.  I said to my wife, "I wonder if their parents just dropped them off here, I've seen no adult interaction with these kids whatsoever!"  This went on for a while.  Other kids got knocked over, adults (myself included) got ran into and toward the end, these boys began getting nearly physically aggressive with one another.

Once a guardian type was outed, in this case a grandfather with perhaps an Italian accent, one other young father approached him after his little girl was knocked over by these boys.  All this really led to was the man yelling the boys name across long distances every once in a while and the boy ignoring him.  I had to speak up on two occasions; once in the house while my daughter was nearby warning the boys to be careful and watch out for other kids, the second time I feel like I was almost breaking up a fight.  The "grandchild" was holding on to another boy somewhat aggressively right next to me, to which I spoke up and said that everyone should keep their hands to themselves.  I later identified the other boys father, who was nearby when this physical interaction was taking place, to which I thought "Why aren't you intervening here, dad?  Your son is being physically handled by another wild child in the play area!"

So where is that line, when it become necessary to intervene with other people's children when the parent's are most likely around themselves?  In hindsight, I probably could have and maybe should have spoken up on more occasions and earlier than I had, but where is that line?  When you know parents are around but aren't taking actions to control their children, when do you step in?  You know it's going to identify the parents rather quickly (although after I interjected, I surprisingly did not learn who any other of these boys' parents were) and maybe offend them?  How would I react if another parent chose to be involved in disciplining my child in my presence amongst strangers?  Perhaps it was this thought that held me back longer than it should have been.  Maybe I shouldn't have acted at all?  What do you think, dads?

Wagging The Dog?

Usually our older kids are the example to our younger ones.  The young ones are always following the older, not only physically, but in actions and words.  Well what if the younger one (by 20 months) does stuff the older one doesn't?  Is it ok to bring attention to the younger child in an attempt to get the older one to do something you wish he'd do?

Kids; The Ultimate Game Changer

Having kids WILL affect the relationship with your spouse. You have to understand that. Talk about it, acknowledge it, accept it... to a point.  Fight it hard and make an extra effort to make up for it, to keep, ultimately, your relationship at the forefront and the first priority.  Make sure you keep it strong, first for each other and also as the example to the kids as they grow and continue the cycle establishing their own families.

Letting kids feel

Dad's often have the reputation of not allowing their boys to feel certain emotions, or at least express them beyond a certain age (similarly, it is often thought boys are conditioned to be tough and non expressive and to lack sensitivity). The thing is, I feel like most women are attracted to, or at least appreciate, the sensitive man. Not that we're simply raising our boys to be more attractive to women (or I don't know, maybe you are?) but the point is boys who are allowed to express emotions in appropriate ways often become better in their general communication and interactions with people in all aspects of life; school, work, friends, family, etc. So dads, think about how you handle the next time little johny is sad or cries about something or how you might let him express his anger rather than just tell him to "bottle it up, kid," or "big boys don't cry!" Which isn't ultimately the best means of getting over it.

Respect Their Mothers

If I could tell fathers the best thing they can do for their children it wouldn't be about parenting.  It would be about their relationship with their children's mom.  Small children are followers and guess who they are following?  They model their lives and actions off of what they see us doing.  You might not think they notice how you respond, treat or act toward their mom but if you notice your children disrespecting their mother it might be because you are.

Do you show her signs of love and affection?  Do you support her?  Do you listen to what she says and not respond with an attitude or sharp reactions?  Do you take her seriously?  Do you support and encourage her? Do you do what she asks?  Does she have your respect?

The best model of how children should treat their mothers comes from their fathers.  I'd say my kids generally have a pretty positive example of this, but I can also honestly say I've failed at one point or another at all of the above questions.  We all will.  But we can think about these things consciously and strive to improve them all.  The simple fact is that if we want our kid's behavior and actions toward their mothers to be right, the first place we look is at our own behavior and actions toward her.