I'm not a Patriots fan, but Vince Wilfork, the team's star defensive lineman, has given me at least an ounce more reason to pay attention to my local Patriots broadcasts on Sundays. After becoming the highest paid defensive lineman in the NFL at 5 years - $40 million, he remains the average man with a pretty standard colonial house in a pretty standard neighborhood southwest of Boston, complete with his own veggie garden in the back. In an article by Stan Grossfeld in Sunday's Boston Globe, he had some insightful and real thoughts on family life and fatherhood:
"When it's my day off I want to relax, but when you got kids your day off really isn't a day off. They think 'daddy's home, let's catch up.' It's hard to do, but I try as best as I can."
This brings me to the research that shows how little time the average dad actually spends with his kid(s) each day or week. I won't create a made up statistic but I know the numbers are somewhat low and kind of sad sometimes when you see them. Then I inevitably play the game of, "That's not me, is it?" Sometimes the dad might just work too much, but a lot of times it's because dad isn't really trying "as best he can." I can tell you, I definitely don't want to be the dad that doesn't try as best I can.
Wilfork adds, "It's tough at times... my kids got so much energy. I can't sit here and say it's not hard because it is. But you have to let kids be kids."
What his statement lacks in eloquence, it makes up for in truth. This is an important realization, that having kids is amazing, but that doesn't mean it won't be tough at times. What he says is so important, about letting them be kids. The scary thing is, when we do allow this to happen in a healthy way, it will most definitely interfere with our important "adult stuff." I spoke with a young man today who has an infant at home and is gearing up to earn his GED and enter college in the next half-year. After applauding his efforts, I told him point blank, "There are times that you will be frustrated!" I continued by encouraging him that knowing that going into it can at least soften the blow and help him better plan and negotiate with his family supports to work out a manageable schedule. Of course I also shared that for how great a sacrifice it is to be a father at times, it can be the most rewarding aspect of a man's life, which he has already begun to understand.
I certainly don't "know" Vince Wilfork at least not beyond the featured article I read about him in the newspaper. I know that beyond his humility he does have a pretty sweet truck. No, not a pick-up, but a custom Freightliner big rig! But the article probably isn't creating some big facade for him. Having his wife, who is at most practices and travels to all home and away games, speak openly in the article about their relationship and his family involvement certainly increases the credibility. I thank him for being in some kind of limelight, yet displaying plenty of responsibility and encouraging myself and fathers everywhere of the importance of spending that quality time with our kids, even when it's tough or there's other things we feel we need to be doing.
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